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[19 Dec 2007|08:03pm] |
sometimes i have a hard time remembering i have some pretty crappy friends
but dont worry they always find a way to remind me
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| i want my duck tape |
[12 Dec 2007|10:19pm] |
i am home for winterbreak
im interested to see how things go
3 and half months is a long time
lots of changes
lots of room for change
blacky is very pretty
jewl is getting nice and chunky
and my bed smells like chris.
i go back to work first thing tomorrow
i get to play with dogs and cats
and clean for hours on end
im not used to air conditioning
im living like a polar bear again for a while
the bottom of my foot is pealing
i need to go on an adventure
thank you "deeez nuuuts" for letting me steal your internet
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| old man |
[03 Dec 2007|08:00pm] |
i have never had such a hard time controling myself infront of someone before. i dont know if its the thought of it, or if it is just because of what is actually there, or im just an idiot... probably a combination of the first and the latter... but i am going crazy.
i am turning into that girl that everyone hates.
and i want to stop myself...kinda... but then again i am being selfish... and i am getting what i want... and i like it... to an extent.
...
what a crazy semester.
this is the week from hell, and i think it should go back to where it came from, curl into a little ball and burn.
finals are dumb.
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[15 Nov 2007|07:48pm] |
Way more then half the time i know what your gonna say to me, but i answer your call anyway. I sit there and i let you make me upset. I stay away from you on purpose. But I hate the fact that I need to remind myself that everytime I think of you. I cant think happy thoughts, I cant remember the happy memories because I have to remember what you are capible of; what you do to me every single time.
thank god for people like jennie.
i could be pissed as hell at her, but there is nothing that would make me not like her.
anyone who wants to think less of me for the things i choose to do... go right ahead. im not here to please you.
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| 3 a days... i must be desperate |
[08 Nov 2007|12:00am] |
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im trying to think
breathe
calm down
but its not working too well
i just went from a chill happy place
to aggrivated/annoyed/irked
i dont have the balls to ask a person "what the hell is wrong with you?"
but right now i really should
lets hope tomorrow is better
oh god i hope its better
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| selfish |
[07 Nov 2007|11:21pm] |
|
–adjective | 1. | devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. |
| 2. | characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives. |
let me point out some key words in that definition
devoted
regardless
only
since you do not care for yourself regardless of others, since you are not completely devoted to caring only for yourself
you do not fit the definition of selfish
therefore you are not selfish
when you get caught up in your own world to escape reality sometimes... its ok.
its when you get caught up in your own world to escape reality, and stay there... then its not ok.
but ill be sure to let you know if that happens
and i would appreciate it greatly if you would do the same for me
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[22 Oct 2007|01:00am] |
today someone called me "free" like free spirited and it made me happy
i just want to put this out there... college is cool because of the sole fact that it is random like whoa. last night i stayed up until 4:30 in the morning with my next door neighbor where we played with corn for 2 hours and talked about the most random stuff ever. he even played tennis with me and wasnt mean when i hit every single one of his tennis balls over the fence. and we could sit on my bed and talk about weird and random things and pass out watching some scary movie from the late 80's early 90's. random. random. random.
i can run through a corn field while being chased by ppl with chainsaws for 7 dollars. and have the scary monster dudes talk to me like normal ppl and allow me to crack jokes with/on them.
and finding corn in our butt cracks for hours... well at least mine lasted hours lol
my friend can feed a giant pig a piece of laffy taffy and we both laugh hysterically as the cute thing tries to chew it.
then today! lets build a canoe! and hey btw he found awesome oboe/clarinet duets which made me super happy.
being called at 10, 11, 12 sometimes later by friends wanting to hang out... i mean these are my kind of ppl. i love the day time seriously, but i love staying up late and going on random adventures.
watching a football game and a random persons house but it doesnt matter cause the gator nation is everywhere!!!
bathroom trips... enough said.
and wallets can get locked in cars but its all good! and your friends make sure they have your back and i appreciate that like you wouldnt believe.
and parents like me! and i like parents!
and i can go out and play softball and not be scared because yeah i could totally get knocked out by a ball flying really fast at my head because a dude 2.5 times my size just blasted it into the outfield BUT its ok cause im learning how to not shot put the ball :)
and then random facebook messages with extreme emphasis because letters are repeated over and over
it is one of the greatest places to be when you are surrounded by the greatest ppl in the world.
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| just another cheesey 80's love song that makes me cry |
[12 Oct 2007|12:30am] |
Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me
Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside
So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without you
On my own I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain
I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without
Go on without
It's just no good without you
Without you, without you, without you
Oh baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without, you
we sang it in middle school chorus lol and i loved it then
thanks mr bermudez you are awesome
<3
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[05 Oct 2007|02:48am] |
i wonder what other people are thinking about at 3 in the morning and if they miss me like i miss them...
honestly though im hostile
i am bitter
but just wondering.
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[05 Oct 2007|02:41am] |
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let it be.
my next tattoo.
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| update on life :) |
[19 Sep 2007|11:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
rather then doing my homework like i should, i go on the computer and hope that ppl instant message me so i have someone to talk to
classes are boring-ish
my creative writing class however is absolutely amazing (krissy you would like it a lot too)
its cool cause you start to look at the world differently and more intently i guess. one of our assignments was to go outside sit somewhere and write what we saw, felt, smelled, heard, and tasted. then we went back to the room and using 4 things we sensed create a character, but rather then telling the reader directly about the character we had to "show" them by their actions in the stary we wrote. it was fun
i want to go home but home is really not the same anymore so the majority of me would rather just stay in gainesville for as long as i possibly can.
boys are dumb. i got asked out on a date by an 8 year old, which was incredibly sweet and if he was 10 years older i would so say yes. i got asked out on a date by a 23 year old. but its in repayment for him getting really drunk and passsing out on me. i think hes trying to impress me by spending a bunch of money and taking me to melting pot, but thats not the way to impress me at all. id much rather go to cracker barrel... or moes. i love moes.
my apartment is doing good. my room is really messy but thats nothing new. i only sleep on one side of my big bed though.
its getting cold. i like it hot. summer is disappearing already and along with it goes some good times... i sound emo but oh well.
i really want a pet. i think id be in heaven if i could bring my cats up here. i want them sooooo bad. lorna i still think dudley is retarded. sorry.
once again i have procrastinated and im late for the dang bus.
ill update more and be optimistic and happy in the next post i promise <3
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[16 Sep 2007|05:17pm] |
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alex is my knight in shining armor
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| i cant sleep |
[14 Sep 2007|03:58am] |
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its 4 am i must be lonely
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[02 Sep 2007|02:48am] |
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so this is how it goes?
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| season of change |
[31 Aug 2007|10:46pm] |
it all happens so fast and the things you thought you could hold onto forever slip through your fingers and into a unforgetable oblivion. it just amazes me how fast things change. ahhmazes me.
i feel like i dont really fit in anywhere again
like ill be at home and i have no desire to stay there, i want to leave as soon as humanly possible. im in gainesville and "friends" are just ppl that you no longer want to associate with because i personally have never actually met anyone more minded then certain someones im thinking of. and i go to see 2 of my best friends and i just dont feel right.
im complaining.
about the same stuff i always complain about.
no one wants to hear it.
i dont want to hear it.
i bring up the past even if no one remembers because i think if i have to relive every thing, you should too.
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[30 Aug 2007|12:44am] |
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i can dig my nails in so deep it doesnt hurt to bleed
the tv cable gathers in uneven circles on the floor
dust just appears every few weeks
i can remember laughing at stupid things with you
and more often then not you were on my mind
paper towels can never get up all the grease you left behind
with leaky sinks and broken down cars
who am i supposed to run to now?
wash your hands clean with antibacterial soap
but you cant erase my bitterness, my hot tears fall on your hands
close that door and you lose the world
ha. you open a window to let fresh air in
to let some sunshine in
but the shadows will find you
as they find all of us
lets just watch tv and pretend everythings ok
lets say i love you and pretend everythings ok
you say your sorry and ill pretend everything is ok
too bad im not an actress
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| ill be your cow |
[27 Aug 2007|12:43am] |
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i dont know how long i can keep this up. i know its not that hard and ppl deal with worse, but no one knows what im talking about and if you think you do your wrong: so please dont jump to conclusions.
somewhere weaknesses are strengths
hello, im here, im waiting
i guess im dreaming again
tell me why we live like this
youll go out in style
i can feel the pressure
we were born for this
id be good for you
and youd be good for me
but i wear the biggest smile
your twisting and turning
once a whore your nothing more
i refuse.
i refuse.
i refuse.
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| somebody to love/misery business |
[21 Aug 2007|12:00pm] |
titles of the songs slightly ironic? i think yes.
I cant get these 2 songs out of my head. I really like the songs so it doesn’t bother me that much. I haven’t updated updated in a long time so I figured it’s about time to do so. Last Thursday I ended my summer the same way it began. K, Ashley, and I hit up jamba for the last time for quite a while. Deliciousness to say the least. I don’t think any of us have found closure yet. Just when I think I know what’s going to happen, I unfortunately lose faith in all of it.
anywho lets get away from the emo :)
I am in my own apartment with Jessica... which I don’t mind bragging about because our 4th day here and it is already pimp like whoa. My room of course is blue and beautiful. I have a big bed with an awesome white down, that reminds my of Chris and his fantabulous bed at home. My bathroom is blue green and white but its not pastels its just softer colors. Whatev. I like it. We have already watched 3 3/4s movies. I started to watch l.o.t.r. but well jessicas boyfriend was bored and I was trying to figure out classes so he turned it off and started to play with his play station.
Can I just give a little shout out to Kendra? I don’t know how you survived 3 months without les… cause I’m not even a week into it and I’m already getting sad. But Ill talk to you soon I’m sure.
We had a movie night again last night and it was gay cause everyone had their little boyfriends but me. 3 couples and Jackie. Woohoo.
We are having a pot luck soon. Everyone who wants to come can come. Unless you know you are unliked by either Jessica or I or any of our best friends. No need for drama on a good day.
I hate race issues. I don’t like it when people make slick comments about white people, but are dead serious. It’s not cool with me.
I hate having money issues too. I can’t afford a lot of stuff and I am fine with that. But I hate feeling like I’m being put down because I don’t have the money for things.
anywho time for a shower and maybe ill practice my oboe.
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| you must be a boy |
[09 Aug 2007|03:11pm] |
girls never forget
so dont be surprised if we remind you
about the things we cant forget
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itstillonlyme's journal
